Thursday, 16 January 2014

She's Here

On the 8th of January I gave birth to a daughter, named Minka Rose.

I did not announce the pregnancy here, or anywhere else public, for obvious reasons. But now the year has changed and with it our entire lives. I am still spinning from everything that has happened. 2013 was the hardest year of my life, the pregnancy both a terrifying ordeal and a joy-filled blessing.
I am lucky beyond words.

In fact, it all seems beyond words at this moment! But I promised myself I would announce her here - I imagined myself writing the words 'she's here'. I could hardly dare believe they would be true, but they are - she is here.

If I ever sleep again I will write something more coherent! Blessing to you all.

A few hours before she was born...

Minka Rose

Saturday, 4 January 2014

A year and a day

Today it is a year and a day since I found out my baby girl, Lyra May, had died.

Though she only lived for 19 weeks, she changed my life forever. Not a single day has passed that I have not remembered her, both alive inside me, and afterwards, in my hands. I remain grateful to her for everything her tiny life taught me about the nature of the world, the nature of grief, and of love.
My tears for her are endless.

This year has been the longest and shortest of my life. On this day last year I could not imagine making it through to the end of the next hour, let alone an entire year into the future. But here I am. Here we are. And that has taught me something too.

My love to all who grieve.

Her footprints